so explain again why im purple
no
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
