Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
