this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm like, not good at living.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize