I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
