So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
