I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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