I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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