don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
