she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
