i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
