I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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