walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
