I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize