I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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