I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
