i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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