dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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