well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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