one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize