So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
