she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize