she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize