I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
