I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
