sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
