did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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