u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
