just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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