yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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