I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
