No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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