Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I faked an abortion last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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