Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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