best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
