I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
