just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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