your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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