I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
