If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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