please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
