I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
