he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
