I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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