Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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