My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
