The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
