I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You can't special order awesome
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize