Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
