just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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