so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
