i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
