he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
