He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like eating out sand paper
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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