it wasn't lemon gatorade
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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