You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
3 2 1 whiskey
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
