then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
