i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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