May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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