I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
