PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
