I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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