they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
