Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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