Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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