If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
