I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
