We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
