It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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