He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
