The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
