That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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