sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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